Friday, January 29, 2010

The Drought


I have made a conscious effort/ decision NOT to have sex until I am in a relationship, or atleast til I find someone I wont mind being in a relationship with. Even though this decision is becoming expensive (2 broken vibrators, 100+ batteries, 16 downloaded porn videos to my phone, and Rosetta stone because I'm gonna learn a new language to keep me busy) I am gonna stick with it because there is NOTHING like sex with someone you're comfortable with. You can do all of the lil sick things that goes on in your mind without feeling like you're being judged or you're gonna be the next topic of discussion. I don't need pictures, videos, panties or stories about me getting out on the evening news, so I have to wait. That and its a lot easier to do it often if you have a go to person without question. The problem with just a F&$K buddy is that at any given time either person can get somewhere AND at any given time one of the other people can change their line up. Then you have to start ALLLLL over again. You gotta reteach someone what you like, what you don't like, take your time in doing the real freaky shit... it's just too much. Plus no one spends that much time with a F&$K buddy to be able to do it any and everywhere. So... until I find someone permanent or could be (I say could be because I once I find that person I may need to test drive prior to signing the paper) I will have to find an indestructible vibrator with rechargeable batteries.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Five Guys... and ME

LOL, no I wasn't in some wild ass orgy over the weekend but I did live with 5 guys for a week in Texas. By far one of the most interesting experiences. I got high for the first time (and almost died), drank lights, darks & wine all in the same night (and almost died), and starved half the time (and almost died). Okay, I didn't almost starve to death because I made enough tacos to feed Hati BUT I did almost get kidnapped at a club. Aside from all my near death experiences, gambling, drugs (weed IS a drug), alcohol, finding out that women (well I guess just me) are territory that needs to be claimed (I have 900 new boyfriends now) and talk of sex with groupies, I did have fun. There definitely needs to be a camera in that house. You can see the evolution of bull shit. Debates that serve no purpose involving ficticious situations. Apparently Oprah is gonna buy Martin Luther King. This is REALLY a topic, not an example. FUCKERY, right?!?!?! It's safe to say I will be back soon

Friday, January 22, 2010

Child Protective Service Should Crack Down...

There are somethings that are just WRONG... people who name their kids' names that are actually just words (Chandelier, Vase) , people who spell their kids' names EXACTLY how it sounds (Mahlayshah), people who try to make their kids' names funky and different by throwing in silent letters that arent silent (Apxril {April}, Psummer {Summer}), people who use the exception to the rule as the rule (Shawn spelled as Chan as seen spelled Chantel. Chantel would be the exception not THE RULE), oh if don't have a drop of Asian in your blood, don't name your baby "Ming" and the one I all time LOATHE is people just CREATING their own unisex name. Just because one dumb ass decided to name their daughter Kevin, Michael or Brandon doesn't make any of those names unisex. They are BOY names that someone reckless named a little girl. This also falls under names that ARE unisex that SHOULDN'T be. If you told me Tracy, Courtney and Ashley were on the way I would not expect three grown ass men to walk in. It's just not right. If you birthed a boy, give him a boy's name. Don't get me wrong, there are names they go for both sexes like Aaron/Erin, Alex & Tony/Toni. However, that doesn't mean all of then can go both ways. So, for the sake of the future stop MAKING up names, using words that you like as names, adding extra shit to regular names to make it "unique" and any other random foolishness possible.Add Image


Here is where making names get's you: A young woman who couldn't read or write very well (yet still had a decent understanding of how letters work) decided to name her son Shi'Thead. The problem was Shi'Thead is Shit Head... STOP trying to be different before you accidentally name your kid some shit (Literally).

Road Trip


In an attempt for a change of scenery, I decided to move to New Orleans. Since my best friend was in town visiting his friends, family etc, I told him, book the solid one way and ride back with me since I have to go through Texas anyway. On our way to Houston, my first road trip by the way, we experienced all the bull shit in the world. I discovered I had OCD because I started scratching and shaking because I haddn't been in a shower in over 12hrs. I literally wanted to wash my ass, like throw a bar of soap in my ass. Then the drive from El Paso to San Antonio is the most depressing drive EVER. 300 miles of absolutely JACK SHIT!!! That drive alone will make you give up hope on LIFE. I got sick on the road and threw up all over San Antonio, yep, the whole damn city. Navigation system sent us through "No Coloreds, TX" and light or not, I wasn't passing. They had an itch to lynch so we had to get through there mad quick. We FINALLY make it to Houston after 900 days. First thing I did was hop in the longest, hottest shower ever. And what do I do?!?!? Eff up my hair..... Ohhhhhh my lifeeeeeeeeeee. Had a bomb ass press too. Now that I'm here I feel like I drove up to crash at a frat house. A clean, well kept frat house but none the less, a frat house. Crashing with a bunch of dudes is always an adventure... so, we'll see how this all works out. lolololololol

Facebook

DAMNIT!!!. I accidentally deleted some of my blog readers while trying to delete people I added for one of those Facebook games. Sooooooooo.... if you were one, sorry... just re-request me and I'll add you. Now back to regularly scheduled fuckery

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Straight to the Point...

Yeah, I'll miss you

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Good Fellas... The Sequel

I need to know what the hell is wrong with these celebrities. So much fuckery, I can't take it. I feel like I've been watching a long ass movie for the past couple years. With that said, I have developed the cast for the sequel to the blockbuster movie GoodFellas: B(l)ack With a Vengeance, Rich and Reckless for NO REASON






This film will also star: Dolante West, Ke-Ke Wyatt, Remy Ma, Serena Williams, Tiger Woods, Jarvis Crittenton, Rae Carruth, Lil Wayne, Brandy and Lil Kim... This is a Mike Tyson Production

Monday, January 11, 2010

VIVA LAS VEGAS

"Yall might have a good time BUT we party HARDER"

This past weekend, I went to Vegas for my girl Eggy's Birthday (the one with the tiara). When I tell you we went in, honey, we went IN. We did Vegas RIGHT!!!! For starters we got a driver to drive us down there. Although for a minute we were afraid we were gonna get dropped off in the desert because he was being too friendly. Of course I called my cousin, the ninja swat cop from the 1st post, and in true fashion he sent me a text saying "U tell him ur cuzzin is a fuckin crazy swat cop and i will kill him slowly and watch him die if he harms u... then bury 1 of each of his body parts all over the united states." (DEAD SERIOUS, this is the text I got)

(She's spillin while she's sippin... I encourage you to try it!)

We get there safely and pull up to the Palms. Little did we know, the AVA's (Adult Video Awards) were happening that same weekend. So, when a group of chicks hop out a car with a driver to help them with their array of gucci, juicy, louis and coach duffles, they think we're coming to accept our awards!!! lol We finally figure out where our room is after looking like a bunch of ditzs. We get started on showers, hair and make up. During my down time I've called room service for everything under the sun from pregnancy tests & razors to an iron & a litter of semen. BOREDOM

We head down to meet our reservations at the restaurant and you wouldn't believe the comments we heard walking "Yes LORD" "Thank GOD" "Oh JESUS" "MMMMMM" "DESSERT is here" "Can I have you for dinner?" etc etc I thought I was walking through a church luncheon! Hit the restaurant, run up a heavy check, call our limo driver and slide to the Industry Opening Haze where Usher performed. Bypass the basic bitches and buy EIGHT bottles (there are only 6 of us). Drank til our liver cried. We brushed off a couple thirsty ass dudes tryna be down with the crew. Sorry, me and the people I came with are ALL too pretty for you! Back to the limo and back to the room. Room Service, ordered everything on the menu! Hungry Hoes! This is when the birthday girl told some broad on the phone "LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER. YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME!!!"



Next morning, room service AGAIN! Then off to the spa. I was too fucked up to go, so I just stayed back to try to sober up. Back to the room for more room service. Ordered more reckless shit from room service "hello? VEGAS?!?! Do you have a pitcher of lemonade, water, coke, semen, something like that?" Head to our reservation and order one of damn near everything. Call our rude ass limo driver who asks too many questions and got on our nerves the 1st night. Reckless ass birthday girl, goes in on him. Guess he was "nothing to her." We slide to the club, spend a couple grand on bottles and are too drunk to drink em. Had to start giving em away and packing em to-go. Back to the room for more room service and then upstairs to pack. We pass out, wake up to a call from the driver and back to LA.... easily spent 15k in 2 days... Naturally I'm leaving shit out because "What happens in Vegas..." (you know the rest) Happy
Birthday Eggy!!!! lol

(Open up... I know ya thirsty... say ahhhhhhhh)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I know, I know


I know it's been a while and I haven't written since the New Year. Well, me and the 87 people are trying to figure somethings out. Some may have to leave for a little while and we're taking rental apps for the available units. It's an interesting process. There are some people who I don't want to leave so I'm trying to figure out how to get them to stay without angering some of the others. So, right now WE, the 88 of us, myself included, are under construction. Thanks for your patience :-)