Monday, August 30, 2010

The Legend of "The Suction"

For years now, I have been searching for this mythical vibrator that I call “The Suction“. I say mythical because I have been in sex stores across the nation (literally… Cali, Louisiana and Maryland) yet nobody has it! I saw it online like 2 years ago…. Yeah, that’s what I do online so don’t judge me *shrugs* Anywho, I have been looking for this vibrator that sucks and licks, moves mountains, takes you to bottom of the sea, to the deepest valley, across the desert and back again! Throw a lil lube in it and it’s supposed to be life changing .

Well I recently found out that my best friend wandered her hot ass into the Hustler store and FOUND IT! I was happy for her (these are monumental things in our lives, like marriage or a promotion) but I wanted to stone that bitch to death because she had the NERVE to tell me “Yeah girl… I got the last one”. Like, how rude is that?!?! She said it worked so well, she didn’t wake up til 5pm the next day, after she figured out how to do it the right way. Then I found out it doesn’t have to run on batteries which is a “blessing” because I have more broken vibrators than used vaginas on Hollywood Blvd on a Saturday night during the BET Awards. Now, I encourage all of you to find and experience the magic that is “The Suction.”

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