Monday, December 7, 2009
Feel My WRATH!!!
They say there is nothing like a woman SCORNED. Well, last night my friend of 15 years (makes me sound sooooo old huh?) called me up with this type of conversation:
"Are you in LA? I need you to come with me on a late night mission to F&@K this bastard up!!!"
Of course you give someone 15 years of your life... with no questions asked I told her to come pick me up when she was ready. True to a pissed off broad, she was there in 7 minutes FLAT!!! (Where the hell was she? In my bushes outside?) Being the mastermind that I am, I suggest we calm down and just go stake out (have it her way and I'd be blogging from a collect call lol). We take my car, grab some food and stake out. Sure enough this IDIOT still hasn't sent the floosey home.
We aren't completely IGNORANT (atleast not anymore... I kid, I kid) so we didn't touch her little rinky dink car. Can't fault her for being a slore (slut/whore). So we wait... and wait and wait. All the while I am watching my friend go from zero to 60 BILLION as time passes. Out of no where she climbs in the back of my truck and snatches a bat out of my trunk (batting cages people... I dont just go around Jazmine Sullivaning people's windows). The only response that my brain could put together was "OHHHHH FUCK"
Luckily she wasn't about to kick his door in and beat the bald off of him! She just had the bat as a ... hmmmm..... "warning shot." Tells his nephew he might want to come reconcile before she loses it. Too scared to open the door (hmmm, I wonder why... crazy girlfriend with bat, maybe?), she gets mad and "Let's go!"
Is it over? NOT HARDLY... now the good stuff... 15 mins later I find myself in a checkout stand buying a permanent marker and eggs. The checker looks too scared to ring us up. Crazy lady (my friend lol) tells the checker straight up "We don't need a bag and don't cheat."
Now that his nephew is on the look out for my truck, we call up another friend (it's 12:30am) to use his car to do the dirt. We gave him a solid 13 years of friendship so... Out of his bed, with the TV remote still in hand. We go do the dirt and make the get away.
Is my friend satisfied?!?! HELL NO!!! So at 3am we go back in a 3rd car change so she can write a letter on his door as to why she did it. Fast forward to 10am, his car is fixed, I'm sleepy and he still loves her.
WTFFFFFFFF!!!!! (no question marks needed)